Task:
The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
（图见 新教材p39）
考生样卷一：
This is a bar chart of the number of men and women in further education in Britainin three periods. In 1970, Most of Men were studying part-timer but from 1980, studying part-time was decreased and studying full-time was increased and in 1990, it was twice as many students as in 1970. On the other hand, Women studying Full-time were increased and not only Full-time, part-time also were increased. In 1990, studying full-time was three times as many students as in 1970. If compare Men and Women, as you see, in 1970, Men were studying more than women full-time or part-time but it changed from 1980 and then, in 1990, Women were studying part-time more than Men and studying full-time was same number.
It shows you women has a high education now.
考官评语：（5分）
文章的长度可以接受，较好地描写了总体趋势，但是如果考生能提到图表里面包含的一些数据，文章的内容会有很大改进。缺乏数据，读者会缺少一些重要信息。文章很难读懂，一些标点符号的错误会引起混乱。句子结构简单，写复杂句子不成功。
范文解析：
这篇文章在雅思考试中评分为5分，根据考官的评分，我们可以做出以下判断：“这篇文章的长度刚刚可以接受"，从直观上看，这篇文章的长度应当是雅思作文Task 1的最低标准，不论是普通培训类还是学术类； “较好地描写了总的趋势"，这也就是说在写图表时，总的趋势是必须提到的； “但如果考生能提到一些数据，文章的内容会有很大改进"，我们从反面来理解这句话，它的意思是说图表作文中一定要提到数据，只是泛泛地写写总的趋势是不够的，还需要一些具体的数据给予支持； “文章很难读懂，有一些标点错误"，建议考生在写雅思作文时只用两种标点符号——句号和逗号，其他的标点符号尽量不用，这样基本上就不会有标点的错误； “句子结构相当简单"，这句话的言外之意是句子结构太简单的文章拿不到高分；评语接着又说 “复杂句子写得不成功"，这就明确地指出复杂句子在文章中是必须出现的，但一定要正确使用，否则反而会弄巧成拙。
修正版：
This bar chart displays the numbers of men and women enrolled in further education inBritainduring three periods.
The chart reflects several trends. For instance, during the 1970～71 academic year,92.5percent of men enrolled in further education were enrolled on a part-time basis. In 1980, the percentage had dropped to 88.3 percent. By 1990, there were twice as many students enrolled on a full-time basis than there had been in 1980, rising from 75,000 to200,000.Combined with a drop in total enrollment, this reflects a rise in full-time enrollment from7.5percent to 22.2 percent.
However, both the total number of women enrolled and the number enrolled on a full-time basis rose between the 1970～71 and 1990～91 school years. By 1990, there were four times as many women enrolled on a full-time basis, with enrollment having risen from50,000to 200,000. But when we combine total enrollment increases with full-time enrollment increases, we see a different trend emerging. In 1980, 200,000 of the 800,000 women enrolled were full-time students, accounting for 25 percent. In 1990, total enrollment rose to 1.1 million, but the figure for full-time enrollment remained steady at 200,000. This reflects a fall in the percentage of women enrolled full-time from 25 percent to only 18 percent.
When we compare enrollment between the men and women, we see that in 1970 more men were enrolled in either full-time or part-time programs. However, by 1990 this had changed, with a higher total enrollment or women and a basically equal number of men and women enrolled in full-time programs. This suggests increased educational opportunities for women in higher education.
修改后的范文在字数方面显然超出了题目150字的要求，但这篇文章的主要目的是为大家尽可能多地提供一些图表作文所使用的经典语言。
第一段第一句话 “This bar chart displays the numbers of men and women enrolled in further education in Britain during three periods."一般的考生常常会用show来表示 “显示出"的意思，但在这篇文章中就使用了display一词。第二段 “The chart reflects several trends."这一句话中的reflect一词也应当学会使用，它在这里也是 “表明、表示"的意思。第四段中的 “When we compare enrollment between the men and women, we see that in 1970 more men were enrolled in either full-time or part-time programs."其中的when we compare..., we see... (当我们比较……的时候，我们可以看出……)，这个句型就属于图表作文的万能句型，图表作文中会有很多地方进行对比对照，都可以使用这一句型。 “This suggests increased educational opportunities for women in higher education."这句话的意思是：这表明在高等教育方面妇女受教育的机会在增加，而没有经过一定时间复习的考生很可能写出这样一个句子：“It shows that educational opportunities for women in higher education are increasing"。稍做比较我们就可以知道这两个句子中的哪一个能够帮助考生的分数上一个台阶。范文中使用的这个句子并不是很长，但它却是一个复杂的语言现象，充分表现了文章句型的复杂性，因为句中用了非谓语动词形式increased,仅仅这一个词，就充分表明了考生的语言功底。因此对于这篇文章，应当主要去看它的语言，注意文章所用的单词、短语和句子结构。
考生样卷二：
According to this graph, the number of men and women in farther education inBritainshows that following pattern.
In the case of male, the number of male has declined slightly from about 100 thousands in 1970/71 to about 850 thousands in 1990/91. However, this figure rose back to about 850 thousands in 1990/91 from about 820 thousands in 1980/81. The proportion of full-time education has declined during this period. However, the proportion of part-time education has increased dramatically.
On the other hand, in the case of female, the number of both full-time education and part-time education has increased during the period.
From about 700 thousands in 1970/71, these figures rose to about 820 thousands in 1980/81, to about 1100 thousands in 1990/91.
In terms of full-time education, this figure rose by about 260 to about 900 in 1990/91.
On the other hand, with respect to part-time education, this figure rose dramatically between 1980/81 and 1970/71. However this figure rose slightly between 1980/81 and1990/91.
考官评语：（6分）
考生比较成功地描述了图表的总趋势，有详细的数据。但是一些信息漏掉了，有的信息还不准确。文章很顺畅，但是连接词使用太多，有的用得不得体，一些内容连接得不好。语法的精确性相当好，用于描述趋势的语言处理得很好。但是，表达方面和选词得体性方面有问题，虽然句子的结构处理得较好，但句子结构依然缺乏复杂性和多变性。
范文解析：
分析考官的评分，我们可以发现文章被评为6分的一些基本要素： “考生比较成功地描述了图表总的趋势和详细的数据"，正是这一点将这篇范文和上一篇5分范文拉开了距离，打5分的文章是因为没有详细的数据，如果文章中有详细的数据支持，分数就有可能上一个档次，这篇文章因为有了数据的支持，在内容上就要比上一篇5分的文章胜出一筹。 “但是漏掉了一些重要的信息，有些地方不够精确，文章很顺畅，连接词使用得太多，有的不得体"，这是一般性的评价， “语法的精确性相当地好"，这一点很关键，上一篇5分范文中在一些最基本的语法点上错误不断，而范文2则基本没有什么语法问题，由此可知，语法的精确与否将会是文章能否打到6分的一个分水岭，要想打到6分，不一定要写很复杂的句子，但一定要保证没有什么语法错误，同时文章的基本框架没有太大的问题。但是为什么这篇文章只能拿6分而不能再上一层楼打到7分呢，“句子结构缺乏复杂性和多变性”，这就是根本的原因。要想让文章再上一个档次，文章中就一定要有一些复杂的句子。
修正版：
According to the graph, the numbers of men and women enrolled in higher education inBritainshow a number of trends.
In the case of men, total enrollment dropped from about one million during the 1970—71 school year to about 850,000 during 1980—81. However, there was a slight recovery by the 1990—91 school year when enrollment rose to 900,000. The proportion of part-time enrollment has dropped dramatically. In 1970, part-time students accounted for some 92.5 percent of total male enrollment. In 1990, this figure had fallen to 77.8 percent.
Among women, the general trend appears to be increases. The real numbers for both total enrollment and for full-time enrollment have risen between 1970 and 1990. There were approximately 700,000 women enrolled in higher education during the 1970—71 school year. Among these were 50,000 enrolled on a full-time basis. By the 1990—91 school year, total enrollment had risen to 1.1 million and full-time enrollment had jumped four_fold to 200,000 women. However, because total enrollment rose sharply from 800,000 women in 1980 to 1.1 million in 1990 while full-time enrollment remained constant at200,000,the percentage of women enrolled on a full-time basis dropped dramatically. During the 1980—81 school year, some 25 percent of women were enrolled full-time. In 1990,this figure dropped to 18 percent.
The overall trend for women then is one of increased total enrollment and a shift from full-time towards part-time enrollment. The overall trend for men is a decrease in total enrollment and a shift from part-time towards full-time enrollment.
解析：
这篇文章主要从语言和结构两个方面对原来的文章进行了改造。
原文的第一段很成功，第二、三段分别写男性和女性的情况，修改后的版本将原文由6段改成4段，最后一段对男性和女性的情况进行对照对比。
Task:
The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
考生样卷一：
The graph shows the percentage of audiences over 4yrs old of UK follows the radio and television thoughout the day during the period October～December 1992. It has been observed from the graph that less than 10% audiences follows the radio at 6:00am and the percentage raised to a pick around 30%at 8:00am and decline gradually to around 10% during the period 2:00 to 4:00pm and again raised a bit to around 12% between 4:00 to 6:00 pm. It then again dropped to below 10%pm to12:00pmand then dropped slowly by4:00 am. On the other hand, the rate of television audiences raises 0_10% during the periods6:00 to 8:00 amand remain steady up to10:00amand then gradually goes down by12:00noon. The percentage raised dramatically to around 15% by 2:00pm which again raised to a pick above 40% between 6:00～8:00pm and then gradually dropped between the period12:00 pm to 4:00 am.
考官评语：（6分）
这篇文章的开头很成功，考生用自己的语言将意思阐述清楚。文章很成功地运用了数据，简单地提到对照、对比的趋势。为了在内容方面达到更高的分数，考生应当再选择一些图表的显著特征并对此进行评论。有长句子但是缺乏复杂性。有一些小的错误，如时态、动词形式、拼写等，这些在很小的程度上影响了文章的语流。
范文解析：
这篇文章的最后评分也是6分，从这篇文章中又可以学到什么东西呢?我们仍然从考官的评分入手。考官对这篇文章的第一句评价是： “这篇文章的开头很成功，考生用自己的语言将意思阐述清楚”。文章开头的第一句话是：The graph shows the percentage of audiences over 4yrs old of UK follows the radio and television thoughout the day during the period October～December 1992.这句话中有一个拼写错误，即thoughout,应当是throughout,同时还有一个语法错误，这句话中有两个谓语动词，一个是shows,另外一个是follows。既然这句话中有两个错误，为什么考官仍旧认为这一句话很成功呢？因为考生只用了这一句话就把图表所研究的事情、研究的时间段和研究的内容全部交待清楚了。 “图表表明1992年10～12月整天收听广播和观看电视的四岁以上的人的百分比”。这一句话从结构来说并不是很难，只要做一些适度的改变，就可以适用于不同图表的不同内容。这一句话就可以作为一段，这样一来，图表作文的第一段就不再困难了。考官的评语中又一次提到“成功地运用了数据”，这就表明用具体的数据来支持图表作文是达到6分的基本要素。同时文章还需要“提到一些对照、对比的趋势，文章能够比较顺畅地读下去，虽然有些地方重复使用衔接手段”，图表是通过对照对比来说明问题的，所以文章中对这些对照对比的趋势应当有所描述。接下来考官说“为了在内容方面达到更高的分数，考生应当再选择一些图表的显著特征并对此进行评论”，这一句话很重要，考生要想在内容方面达到更高的分数就应当将图表中最重要的数据或趋势展开来详细描述，例如说针对看电视的情况，什么时候看电视的人最多，大概是个什么样的情况，然后选择一个数据对这一情况进行支持，要提醒大家注意的是，这里的评论并不是要考生发表自己的意见，而是要考生根据图表已经提供的信息，对某一个显著特征进行较为详细的描述。 “有长句子但是缺乏复杂性”，有的同学认为复杂的句子就等同于长句子，所以句子越长越好，这种理解显然是不正确的，复杂句一般是指包含从句或是非谓语动词形式的句子。如果句子很长，但句子结构本身并不构成难度，那么文章也不能打到7分，在这一点上范文3和范文2是一样的。
修正版：
The graph shows the percentage of audiences over 4 years old in theUKwho tuned in to radio or television broadcasts during October, November and December of 1992.
Two very different audience patterns appear between the television and radio groups. We can see that radio audiences swell during the morning hours, peaking at8 am. Television, on the other hand, swells during the evening hours, peaking at 8 pm.Although the raw data does not provide an explanation for these trends, our knowledge of social behavior inBritain, when coupled with the graphic information, leads to some possible conclusions. First of all, the data relates only to people over the age of four years. This means a certain proportion of the audience is made up of school children. Because they have no access to television in school, we can see one possible reason for lower audience rates in the morning and early afternoon. A large percentage of the remaining audience would be involved in the conventional workforce and would therefore also have limited access to television during the morning and early afternoon.
Radio broadcasts, however, are more accessible during school and working hours. This may serve to explain, at least in part, the mirror image of the two lines.
Also looking at social patterns, we might also notice that the peak radio period,8 am, is also the peak commuter period. Since most cars have a radio, but do not have a television, we might assume some relationship between morning commuting and radio audience patterns. It is however notable that a similar peak does not occur during the afternoon commute as workers return home, although there is a slight rise around 4～5 pm.
The swell in television viewing in effect spans the entire evening period from6 pmto10pm. This is commonly known as the Primetime period. During the time between the evening meal and bedtime, media programmers expect larger audiences and so schedule the most popular programs. Since advertisers have long recognized this fact, they target these shows for sponsorship, providing in turn more financing for better quality programs.
Perhaps the most telling feature of the chart is the dominance of television among electronic media. Although radio seems to dominate the mornings, at no time do radio audiences top 30 percent of theUKpopulation. Even at the peak for radio audiences, some 10 percent of the population is tuned in to television programs. Once television viewership begins to rise in the early afternoon, radio audiences steadily drop towards their dead_ full-time of night low point.
考生在学习这篇修正版范文时，主要应该学习有关图表的语言表达方式，而不是其篇幅。
考生样卷二：
The bold graph shows the television audiences throughout the day. It shows that the percentage of audiences is zero percent in early morning but it gradually rises up to ten percent at 8:00 am and maintains the same for the next two hours. There is a slight fall in percentage in next two hours however after that it rises sharp un to twenty percent within the next two hours. After this the graph rises very fast and attains it's peak at10 pmwhich is about forty five percent. The graph gradually falls down and at 2:00 am it is at five percent. The thinner graph shows the percentage of radio audiences. Unlike the television one the peak percentage of the radio audiences is at8:00 amwhich is about 30 percent. Then it gradually falls and it corresponds with the television one at two pm. After that it gradually falls but with a small increase in percentage at 4:30 to 6:00 pm. The percentage of audience then gradually goes down and at four AM it is the lowest which is near 2 percentage. These graphs prove the progressive popularity of television.
考官评语：（7分）
文章很好地处理了单方面的趋势和这些趋势的整体对比。开头更充分地展开，可以包括一些关于所研究的团体、研究发生的时间段和研究发生的地点的信息。文章比较成功地运用了多种衔接手段，内容读起来很流畅，尽管有一些表达略显笨拙。句型结构复杂、用词多变，但是在词型、时态、语态方面仍有一些小的问题，个别内容衔接不好。
范文解析：
考官给这篇文章的评分是7分，在分析考官的评分时我们要解决两个问题，一是这篇文章为什么能打到7分，二是这篇文章怎么样修改才能打到8分。考官认为“这篇文章很好地处理了单方面的趋势和这些趋势的整体对比”，这一点是这篇文章在内容构思方面的一个优点，文章中既讲了电视的趋势，也讲了广播的趋势，这就叫做单方面的趋势。文章中还对整体的趋势有所描述，这样一来，文章既有总的趋势，又有具体的方面，内容就充实起来了。“开头可以更充分地展开，可以包括一些信息如所研究的团体、研究发生的时间段和研究发生的地点”。这篇文章一开头就说：The bold graph shows the television audiences throughout the day (粗线条表明整天都看电视的观众的情况)，再往下文章接着说The thinner graph shows the percentage of radio audiences (细线条表明收听广播的听众的百分比)，最后一句话就说：These graphs prove theprogressivepopularity of television. (这个图表表明电视越来越受欢迎)。实际上这篇文章是没有开头的，在结构上并不是一篇完整的文章。如果我们把刚才分析过的范文3的开头作为这篇文章的第三段，范文4的分数马上可以提高一个档次。考官已经指出，这篇文章少一个开场白，应该交待研究所发生的时间段、研究的对象和研究的是百分比还是数量。
“文章比较成功地运用了多种衔接手段，内容读起来很流畅，但有一些表达方式略显笨拙”。得体地使用衔接手段会使文章的整个语流顺畅，结构清晰。
修正版：
The graph relates the percentage of the UK population (over 4 years old ) that listened to radio programs or viewed television shows during a period from October to December of 1992.
It shows that television audiences are at a low in the early morning hours (4 am), but rise gradually to about 10 percent from8 amto10 am. After a slight drop around lunch time, audiences begin a fairly steady climb towards the peak viewership in the hours from 6 pm to 10 pm at some 40—45 percent. A sharp decline follows to the overnight low of about 5 percent between 2 am and 4 am.
Unlike with television audiences, radio audiences peak in the morning, with some 30 percent of theUKpopulation tuning in to radio broadcasts at8 am. Listenership drops steadily from this peak, crossing the line for television views at around2 pm. It continues to decline throughout the evening until reaching a low point at2 am.
The graph proves the dominance of television among the electronic media. During the peak period of radio listenership, television viewers equal 30 percent of the radio total. But during the peak television period, radio listeners only account for on average one fifth the television total.
原文的结构方面有一些小的问题，没有开头段，修改后的文章在结构上做了一些小的调整，增加了一个开头段。同时对文章中的语言也做了修改。考生应从结构和语言两个方面学习修改后的范文。
结构方面，修改后的文章在开头段就说明了图表的三要素：研究对象、研究的时间段和研究的具体数据形式——百分比，第二段讲看电视的情况，第三段讲广播的情况，最后一段根据图表所显示的看电视和听广播的人进行对照对比，从而得出结论。版权所有：西安文理学院英语写作中心 地址：西安市科技六路1号 电话：029-87878787